its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
