the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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