Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
