I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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