Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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