I accidentally had phone sex last night
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
