I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
