And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
