Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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