i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
