She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
