I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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