You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
