Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
