DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
