Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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