lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
