It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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