So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
