Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
