dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
