What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
