I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
