worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
