do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
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All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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