remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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