then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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