Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
