I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize