So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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