I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Come share oat with me in your robe
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
