there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
