i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
