I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
