he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
