omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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