What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i out mim tonsoeep
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