from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
