I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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