Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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