even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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