I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
