i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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