According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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