i think my tv is drunk
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
