I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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