Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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