You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I AM VODKA MAN
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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