I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
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It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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