Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Drake has all the answers
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
