Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
