I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
