I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
