I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
