just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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