I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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