I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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