CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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