i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
