So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
