I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
