Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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