I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
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A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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