Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
her vagine was all disorganized.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
