in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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