god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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